AMANDA STERN'S TOUR COMPANION APPLICATION In November 2003, I will be driving across country on a book tour for my first novel, The Long Haul (Soft Skull Press, October 2003). I will be going to twenty cities in one month. But there is a small tiny hitch. I don't know how to drive. Yesterday, I scored 100 on my written test. And next week, I will actually be getting inside a car. On the driver's side. But I cannot do this alone. I need help, and you can help me. Below please find a tour liason application. Cut and paste the text into an email, answer the questions, and send the completed questionnaire to tourcompanion@amandastern.com. Your application will be processed, and I will be choosing my companions according to the answers below. You will need to take a month off from work, kiss your significant other goodbye and deal with me, a small Jewish neurotic native New Yorker. It'll be fun! 1. Are you a "hummer?" 2. Do you have Irritable Bowel Syndrome? 3. Do you have a hair maintenance routine that lasts more than ten minutes and involves more than two products? 4. Are you on any medication? 5. Can you bring extra? 6. Will you pine incessantly for your boyfriend/girlfriend, talking to them on the cell phone when you should be concentrating on the road, both hands on the wheel, please! 7. Do you have any friends? 8. Were you popular in high school? 9. Foot odor? 10. Do you have a trust fund? 11. Can I have some? 12. Do you listen to Journey, Yes or Jethro Tull? 13. Do you have any strange fascinations with Jesus? 14. Do you know how to read a map? 15. Do you know how to drive? 16. Do you own a car? 17. Did you grow up in New Jersey? 18. Do you have a website and will you be wanting to stop at every Internet cafe to "upload"? 19. Are you on Friendster? 20. Do you Jdate? 21. Are you older than 18? 22. Has anyone accused you of being pretentious? 23. Do you suffer from small bladder syndrome and if so, are you averse to wearing a diaper? 24. Why do you want to do this?